Video Transcript

Edmund: Oh, hey. Look at you. You’ve got something right…there. The word “chastity” is something as a kid, maybe you’ve heard. And maybe all you took away is ‘Don’t have sex!” But we need to talk about chastity as adults. So let’s have a more mature conversation about chastity.

Alright, then. Let’s start with some ground work. What is chastity? Well, the Catechism reminds us in paragraph 2337: “Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being.” This idea of this integration is really important. You are a human person with a mind, body, and soul. And you’re created by God for relationships so you can share in God’s life and love. And this relationship God’s calling us to should reflect the standard of all relationships: that of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in the Trinity.

Our relationship with God is the MOST important relationship. And so all of our other relationships should reflect the goodness seen in the Trinity. And the relationship in the Trinity is one of selflessness and love and this true gift of self. So our relationships here on Earth can be better or worse, depending on how closely they reflect this standard of loving relationships. And this is especially true in one of the most important relationships we can have here on Earth, which is spousal love. Which includes a gift of ourself and a gift of our sexuality.

So the Catechism reminds us in paragraph 2339: “Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.” So in spousal love, you’re giving your gift of your full self to your spouse. So chastity is this integration of our sexuality. And you are mind, body, and soul. Which means it’s this unity of our bodily and spiritual being.

So if we understand chastity as this “apprenticeship” in self-mastery, we can see it as us learning how to be more integrated as mind, body, and soul. And this is what a lot of people get wrong about chastity is it’s not just about sexual relationships. As you GROW in this self-mastery, you’re able to have this unity as a person. And you’re learning how to not let these things dominate you. But they’re freeing you up to choose to be MORE loving, MORE selfless, and to give a more full gift of yourself to other people.

So the Catechism explains that the obstacle to chastity is lust. And it explains lust this way: in paragraph 2351 it says, “Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.”

The great power of human sexuality finds its fulfillment only within marriage. Because marriage reflects the reality of this gift of self. Desires are not bad in and of themselves. We are going to have these desires, but what’s important is our response to them. This is why God is showing us that growing in this “apprenticeship” of self-mastery; growing in chastity, is a freedom. It makes us more free. Free to not be enslaved by our bodily desires, and free to give ourselves fully in selfless love to our spouse.

When we cooperate with God’s grace and we ask Him for help to grow in chastity, we’re learning to become more AWARE. We learn to rely on God’s grace to not just entertain any desire that we feel, but to respond and resist desires that are disordered or out of place. A less free person is someone who is dominated by lust; who experiences these desires and hasn’t grown in the virtue of chastity to know how to resist them and to order his or her sexuality towards a loving, selfless relationship.

So let’s combine all of these things into some practicals. Think of all the great apprentice-teacher relationships. When we’re striving to grow in chastity with God’s help, we’re learning to become AWARE of our desires; to discern the desires and see how we can be reflecting God’s loving relationship. And then we’re learning how to resist desires that bring us AWAY from these loving relationships, especially when these desires are pushing us towards selfishness and seeking only our own bodily pleasure.

So the Catechism actually has some practical tips for how to grow in chastity. It says this in paragraph 2340: “Whoever wants to remain faithful to his baptismal promises and resist temptations will want to adopt the means for doing so: self-knowledge, practice of an ascesis adapted to the situations that confront him, obedience to God’s commandments, exercise of the moral virtues, and fidelity to prayer.” Am I saying that right? “Ascesis.” You might not have heard that word in that way before. More commonly you might have heard it as “aestheticism.” Acts of aestheticism is this idea of denying ourselves little pleasures to train ourselves in how to resist and choose the good.

So selfless love that reflects God’s love is choosing other people over ourselves. It’s doing the hard and difficult thing even when these other things might seem more pleasurable in the moment.

We also can grow in self-knowledge and self-awareness by being more reflective of the things that are causing us to be tempted. You can do this through prayer or by spending time to journal. This is really helpful to do the next time you go to Confession. Take some time and don’t just think about the sins you’ve committed, but think about what was happening right before you fell into this sin. Who were you around? What was the context? How were you feeling? What was going on in your heart? What was your emotional and mental state? Maybe you’ve heard this acronym before. I found this helpful. HALT. Was I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?

When you’re experiencing any of those things, maybe you can choose to be more careful in these weak moments to not put yourself in situations where you might sin. But God doesn’t want to stop us at just helping us avoid sinning with our bodies. The Sixth and Ninth Commandments forbid adultery, but also forbid coveting our neighbors’ wives. And God’s trying to reveal to us that it isn’t just about avoiding sinning with our bodies; it’s sinning with our hearts and our minds as well. He doesn’t want us to just blindly obey this; He wants to purify our hearts through His grace.

And lastly, thinking about this “apprenticeship in self-mastery.” One of the most powerful things I’ve seen be effective in people’s lives who are striving to grow in chastity is to find someone else; someone you can trust; someone you respect, that you can open to about your struggles. The devil wants you to feel ashamed of your sin and not lean on your Christian community in order to overcome this sin. It can be REALLY powerful and helpful—when appropriate—to find someone you respect and trust. This could be a priest or a close friend you really look up to; someone who you know is going to pray with you and encourage you and help you not give up in this “apprenticeship” of self-mastery.

Because the great power of human sexuality finds its fulfillment only in marriage.