Video Transcript
Funerals can be really hard to attend. The first time I attended the funeral of a close family member, it was difficult. One of my family members had lost their 30 year old son to an unexpected accident. There were so many complicated emotions, and I felt very unprepared. I didn’t know how to interact with the family, and I didn’t know how to support those I love who were grieving. This tragic death felt so big, and anything I thought to do or say seemed nowhere close to being the “right” thing.
The catechism reminds us in paragraph 2300: “The burial of the dead is a corporal work of mercy; it honors the children of God, who are temples of the Holy Spirit.”
I’ve found that not only is it a work of mercy for our loved ones who have passed away, it is also a moment where we are given an opportunity to extend support and comfort to those family members who are left behind and grieving.
So how do we walk with those who are grieving and provide support? I want to share some things that I wish someone had told me sooner.
The first thing is to resist trying to avoid the discomfort of the situation by using corny cliches. I’ve heard this happen many times, people will say things like, “Well, God wanted one of His angels” or “Be happy he’s in a better place now.” While these phrases aren’t necessarily coming from a bad place, they can discredit the negative emotions a person is feeling and can be frustrating to hear.
Grief is hard and there’s no easy way around it. When someone we love is hurting, we often look for any way to “cheer them up” or help remove the burden of grief and suffering from them.
But accompanying others in their grief means sitting with them in the suffering and acknowledging it is hard. Sometimes the best thing to do is just be present and listen.
We are called as Christians to have hope of the resurrection. The catechism reminds us in paragraph 1681 “The Christian meaning of death is revealed in the light of the Paschal mystery of the death and resurrection of Christ in whom resides our only hope. The Christian who dies in Christ Jesus is “away from the body and at home with the Lord.”
The Paschal mystery included a horrible and torturous passion and crucifixion. The hope in the resurrection should be very carefully presented and care should be given that this does not discredit the experience of grief this person is experiencing.
At the funeral, I never knew what to say. Here are some things that can be helpful: “I am so sorry for your loss. He/She was someone I (admired, enjoyed, etc.). I will be praying for his/her soul and your family.” Or you could say, “I am sorry for the loss your family is experiencing. If you need someone to just sit with you and listen, I am always available.”
To live in Christ means to die in Christ at the end of our sacramental life. We should have hope that our loved ones who have passed away are on their journey to Jesus. Jesus was drawn to those who were suffering and hurting. He sat with them in their pain, and understood their suffering, before offering His healing mercy. Jesus wants to be present to those who are hurting, and we should try to imitate Christ when we are walking with those who are grieving.
